Gelosia

I want it all. The past, the present and the future.
I don't want to share anything, AT ALL. Because I know what I can give.
Sometimes, it's confusing, everything.
So uncertain. And the past is even more confusing. Because the past knows who you are, who you have been. How can you lie to it? You can't deny.
I am scared. I was so full of illusions, dreams, and lives...then I wasn't. And Now I am contemplating new ones...
Then why sometimes I shed tears and I feel brokenhearted?
A tune, a word, a phrase, something, can just, make tears appear and I sometimes ignore the reason.
I wanted so many things, and I want so many things now. If they don't work out, that would be it for me.

I am so jealous, but yet, I am always jealous. Of you, of him. I want all, but I can't have all.
What am I doing? What am I looking for? What is that?
Am I trying to pull out a game I shouldn't play? I am intrigued. And in a way, I feel offended. I wanted to see more, to have more. Why am I asking what I can't give?
He knows who you were, who you are. Your deep secrets, yourself within. What you like, what you dislike. You can't fool him. It's scary how you wonder if he knows what you try to hide.
I never said I wanted something else! Did I?
So different from each other.. even different type of beauty, of smiling.. of hands.
I cry, for both things.
Was it a mistake? Is it a mistake? If so, What is the mistake?
What do I really want? I know what I can't want.
Jealousy, why. Cus I want it all, always. I'm so selfish and proud it's unbearable.