Guilty feet have no rythm.

One make your own choices, everybody does, before, during and after the events. So this mode of "why everyone but me", doesn't suit. I made my choices, no one can't tell me I didn't know. Well, some things I didn't know, or maybe I thought they were untrue.
Sometimes I ponder how come fate is so unkind, but then I remember I know truths others don't, or just aren't willing to glimpse.

I knew better, I know better, I was told. I know I am not a fool. I'm willing to pay the price for it, and don't worry I will. I will just try to be quiet about it, because, intimate issues.

I want to buy a dress, but not any kind of dress. A Pretty good one.
One that says that everything is perfect, even though it isn't. One that makes me feel that someday perhaps, will be my day, and I'll fall for it once again. One, hopefully, red, that makes me feel I am worth feelings, things, chances, money, risks, family, dreams.
You know me clearly, you've always been by my side, even when I didn't want you to be and even when I needed you most. You're there when I feel pain, or joy, or hope. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, like that day under the cherry tree next to the peaceful lake. It had been a while, cus I got caught up in banal things. And sometimes I feel sad, not being able to share as I want to, but I can share.. with... who wants to.
And Anyway, you're just standing there, and I become a child again with a dress.
But this new dress, I dont want it to be my child dress. I want it to mean things, to remind me things. Maybe, so many things, and when I wear it on my own, I'll cry... I'll say.. you knew I wanted so much. And today, I ask to myself, maybe I want too much.
Maybe I should just enjoy, without analizyng it all. Not everything has its own reason, does it.
So, it doesn't take an expert to know I'll go through this, with you. And I will do it, because I know, and because I love you endlessly. I have no incredulity, otherwise. I've lived, I've been showed, I've known. You are my priority, and my guidance in life, you're the center, and my life partner and family, I gave them to you. We all been raised differently, backgrounds, acts, choices, memories.
So, You know what I want, I know it's not the right ways, or idealistic way, it's just the way. But I am who I am, I am strong because You 've given me the strengh to stand up, to see. I have big faults I can't control them, but I am the human here.
Each person is different, and sometimes I feel scared, or that I can't continue, and I say help me, or ask, and You go quiet. I wish I could see, see more, feel more. I can't understand the why, but that's just how love works in all ways.
But You know how I wanted You to be the center of our instead of my, so I'll keep asking, through me, and You through all. I am sorry.
I chose one path among others, I wasn't so blind at all, at least not as I was when I was younger. I can continue wanting or wishing, but just for myself and of that way I won't hurt others. I am just glad You always protected me, here, and there, through all things I've done, and some more stupid than others. Forgive me being so stubborn.

So, When I go out, and I see this dress, that makes me look as if I were shining; I don't want to settle, I just want to say, this is the one, this dress, suitable for a woman who deserves everything but can't have it. And I'll make choices again, And I'll choose that dress, yes, the red one.