Stay

Whoa.. Martes 13... Este día merecía que yo escribiera!

I've had a great week and weekend. It is like when you give a great tasty candy to a kid, let him have it a bit and then take it away... what comes after....

And you wish time could stop when you're smiling, when you're feeling complete.

And you feel jealous of not having an always but a forever after.

Soon I'll be in another place,again. I've moved a lot, I've known a lot, I'v played, I've laughed, I've cried, with different people, different weathers, different streets, different buses...And I still wonder how different I am.

Should I be so different from what I used to be when I was kid or in High school? Sometimes I see my friends, and most of them are so different from what I remember...and I stay being who I am.

Suppossedly, distance makes you grow apart. I think it does, maybe that's why, I feel the need of travel sometimes, to grow apart. Sometimes, I don't like feeling too attached...Yo sé que en este mundo nada es seguro.. y la vida te da sorpresas, tanto buenas, como malas.

Y la vida es irónica, mucho. Entonces, no se sabe que esperar. Tú entregas y das todo, porque mueres, porque esperas que ese sea el metodo de mantener las cosas seguras, o como están, y esto no siempre funciona. Y te preguntas, entonces, si existe una formula, para lograr mantener algo que vaya mas alla y que sea distinta a entregar todo de forma desinteresada, y esto a veces se vuelve en algo tan ciego de hacer.

Te vas y te dices, no quiero pero no puedo, y vives una encrucijada. Y sientes que la felicidad y el dolor juegan contigo, asi como los niños juegan a pasarse el balón. Y eras tú quien debía controlar el juego, no convertirte en el juguete.

A veces me da rabia conmigo misma. Siento impotencia, porque a veces no tengo lo que quiero, pero capaz nunca lo tenga, el amor es un eterno insatisfecho y siempre quiero mas y quiero todo. Pero uno calla, porque decirlo no es gracia, pierde la magia. Ya'know...la magia de cuando alguien te da algo o te dice algo o te hace algo sin que tu tuvieras que decirselo, o pedirselo, sino, simplemente porque le nació, porque eso quiere, porque asi desea mostrar lo que siente, esa magia, que te hace sentir cosquillas, y sonreir y sientes que el corazón se te va a salir del pecho.

Y odias que siempre haya un después, sobretodo cuando ese después resulta en vacío, y nada duele más que alejarse de la mitad pérdida de ti mismo que has encontrado... and you just wish you could stay...

****

I don't listen hard, don't pay attention to the distance that you're running to anyone, anywhere,

I don't understand if you really care, I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.

So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up, and this woman was singing my song: lover's in love, and the other's run away, lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.

Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was dying since the day they were born. Well, well, this is not that; I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.

You try to tell me that I'm clever, but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.

You said that I was naive, and I thought that I was strong. I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave." Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.

You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you and one day I'll let you go."

You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose. And you say, "Stay."